


Oh Balls!

by Dicentra



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Romance, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-29
Updated: 2013-09-29
Packaged: 2017-12-26 07:09:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/963056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dicentra/pseuds/Dicentra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Sunrise Awakening Ball was almost upon the good upstanding citizens of Ankh-Morpok (yes, alright and the many not so-good and the downright crooked). The populace was excited. <br/>The Palace organisers - getting to be not so keen, in fact a good word to describe them would be stressed.<br/>Will it happen? Will our two gentlemen attend? Will they want to?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Oh Balls?

Disclaimer: I own nothing of the Terry Pratchett/Discworld characters portrayed in this story and this is purely a work of fan fiction. First published at FF.

The Sunrise Awakening ball had been a resounding success these past few years of Lord Vertinari's leadership. Far from it's old-fashioned origins of being a husband finder for all the nubile young aristocrats, it was now a husband, wife, lover, and roll in the pantry finder for all who could afford tickets (not to mention the 2nd major fashion event of the year - the first being the Seamstresses parade in summer but no one could compete with their expertise, the undergarments dance being a particularly captivating set piece to the evening's entertainment).

This ball was now garnering a great deal of attention in the press as to which young celebratory would be accompanying which young fashion icon and who would or wouldn't be there and why? Older members of the nobile elite as well as the young up-and-comings we're expected to make an appearance at least but the eldest were not expected to stay all night. Although, after midnight who knew what would happen? Rules were broken, promises made and then lost. It was a night of excitement, glamour and secrets.

Vetinari was a realistic leader and provided rooms at the palace for this one night of (as some easy to scandalise newspapers had put it) debauchery and mayhem. If there was scandal to be had, he wanted to keep it hidden safely inside, until it needed (if ever), to be released or bargained with (usually by him). Generally, The Patrician - Lord Vetinari, assessed most people as weak creatures and far too willing at times to slip up and make a fool of themselves. In a way he supposed he was protecting some foolish behaviour but also as a politician, and a supremly clever one at that, he was gathering insurance. The rooms and the party did at least it keep a rowdy lot off the streets for a night, although he wasn't entirely sure whom he was protecting in that circumstance.

Vetinari's big ball as it was sometimes known, was a joyous celebration, letting off steam for the citizens of this seemingly chaotic city. The winter months were long, cold and gloomy with snow and, more frequently, a lot of dampness. By the time springtime arrived, Ankh-Morpok was ready to let its collective hair down. Or at least watch others do it. The party generated a massive crowd of fans outside the palace hoping to catch a glimpse of their favourite celebratory or a snippet of gossip and view the glamour. It was a welcome release, and a little part of him, that he almost refused to acknowledge, enjoyed the spectacle.

It was late in the day, the sun was setting and there were only a few weeks to go. Madam Lestoota was discussing the final preparations with the weary Patrician.

" Mmmph, yes My Lord the blue swans are necessary this year, I realise this is a late addition to the proceedings but ahem, it is most certainly needed, believe me my Lord you will be amazed." Beamed the magnificent Madame Lestoota, Head designer at the prestigious Arabella Academy of the Finest Arts in Ankh-Morpok. Her hands clasped hopefully underneath her ample bosom.

" Very well," sighed Vetinari, tired of this frivolous talk. " Your academy have never let us down before, I'm sure this party will of course be no exception," he continued, his gaze never moving from her face.

" Ah-heh yes my Lord," trembled the fragrant woman. Oh, if her students could see her now. Feeling an unusual sense of empathy with them as they often stood and trembled before her, Lestoot resolved to tone her manner down a notch or two when in their company. Or, as the Patrician's office door opened, and an attractive slight man drifted past, maybe she too could get herself a Drumknott?

Madame Lestoot felt the atmosphere in the room gently soften as the silent clerk walked by and stood by his master, Lord Vetinari, whispering close to his ear. Vetinari's gaze dropped from hers allowing the woman to breathe normally again.

" Ah yes, thank you Madame for your time, you may of course go. If you need anything please talk to my secretary here. Drumknott would be most willing to help."

" It would be a pleasure Madame." Bowed Drumknott.

" Oh gladly My Lord, Mr Drumknott. " Bobbed the Madame as she hastily left the room.

"As ever Drumknott I am grateful for your presence." Smiled the Patrician.

" My Lord." Drumknott looked into Vetinari's eyes briefly, allowing him the smallest of smiles, his expression briefly conveying...something ...to Vetinari's surprise. So brief however, the Lord thought he must have imagined it due to the immensly frivolous conversation he had experienced earlier.

" Drumknott it is late, I think we'll call it a day don't you?"

" Of course my Lord. I have only to file a few documents, however, may I stay a while after you leave?"

" My pleasure Drumknott. I will see you in the morning." With that, Lord Vetinari nodded to his faithful secretary and smartly strode out of the office towards the corridor that finished with only his room.

Whilst in his bedchamber, a spacious affair with some obvious luxury items (the king-sized bed, the chaise-lounge and the magnificent wardrobe), Vetinari bathed in the en-suite corner bathroom area. His room was tasteful and spartan in a way only the very rich could afford. There was no ostentatious display of wealth nor was there the opposite austere minimalism that some may have supposed was his taste. Instead a subtle yet powerful blend of dark and light fabrics and textures combined to form a comfortable and stylish room. The comfort would have surprised the very few who may have been invited here (ignoring the housekeeper who was trained to see and say nothing of her master's or mistresses private rooms).

The tall slim man sighed as the hot water and oils massaged and soothed his aching muscles. He breathed in the pleasing scent as he thought about Drumknott...hmm? The appearance of the younger man, the attentive fair clerk into his very relaxed thoughts unsettled him a little. I wonder if he's still in the office? Thought Vetinari. I wonder if he...hmm. Oh, Vetinari you must be overworked, he scolded himself and tried to dismiss the images that popped into his head. Sinking underneath the deliciously warm water to wash his hair he put a halt to those intrusive and extremely mischevious thoughts.

For a moment.

The bath was oh so nice, the oils so fragrant and suggestive, made Vetinari feel so good that he easily let his imagination, and his hands, wander. He was overcome with a need to ...relax further. Vetinari tried to think of a nameless man or woman as he touched his body but his mind betrayed his most secretive passionate thoughts. A slight thrill was felt each time he thought of Rufus Drumknott, his faithful clerk, images of his intelligent, clear, deep brown eyes and soft fair hair swam into view. Oh, to gaze in those eyes, he sighed. How would it feel to brush hands through that mane that Drumknott fought so hard to keep neat? No, that's my clerk. My secretary, I can't imagine him like that. Vetinari tried to change his fantasy by thinking of the new dazzling actor with the golden hair who featured in so many plays currently in Ankh-Morpok and beyond instead. Now his attractive image was everywhere, he was unknown personally to Vetinari and safe...too safe...no, it wouldn't do...his body right now, ached for Drumknott.

Oh.  
Rufus Drumknott, made him tingle, every innocent gesture, his eyes, voice, and smile was recalled for Vetinari's pleasure. He stroked him self faster as he imagined what Drumknott would do with a man...with him. Just whispering his name out loud made his back arch, his long legs quiver, his toes curl and his mind turn into white hot blankness. As pleasure overcame him, Vetinari shouted out. The Lord lay in his bath, legs trembling, breathing slowly in and out. " Oh Gods." He exclaimed. He hadn't felt like that in a very long time.

The next morning Drumknott was having a heated discussion by his office with the gardeners who were protesting the enchanted pigs currently devouring and burping frantically in the palace gardens.

" They're eating everything and what they don't eat they burp out fruit!"

" Um," frowned Drumknott.

Vetinari walked quickly past, his morning walk over, and closed the door rapidly behind him. Drumknott seemed to have this all in hand.

" Is this fruit edible?" Queried the secretary.

" Does that actually matter?" Said the irate gardener.

" Well... I'll contact Madame Lestoot sir." Magic decorations, that's all he needed.

As Drumknott entered the Oval office, Vetinari got straight to business.

" The Ephebian ambassadors will be arriving at noon Drumknott to discuss the higher speed clacks. I'll need their individual files."

" On your desk My Lord, with a folder on the recent developments in clacks research. Always handy to have sir."

" Marvellous Drumknott," smiled Vetinari.

"Tea?"

" Of course."

The day passed pleasantly enough until the late afternoon as Vetinari returned from his meeting with the three incredibly talkative and charasmatic Ephebian ambassadors almost exhausted. Tea and biscuits were placed strategically on his desk and Vetinari gratefully approached them. Sitting down heavily with a sigh.  
" A clacks from the Überwald My Lord, it's on your desk," notified Drumknott and resumed his filing.

" Ah, Margolotta." The Patrician quickly sliced the envelope open. "Hmm...ah well," muttered Vetinari. The Lord looked in Drumknott's direction and pondered.

Feeling the hairs on the back of his neck prickle, Drumknott turned around. " My Lord?" He questioned.

" Drumknott, Margolotta will not be accompanying me to the Sunrise Awakening ball. Would you consider going with me instead? We will not be dancing, I just need to make an appearance and well these things are so tiresome without company." The Patrician looked expectantly at his clerk for a reply.

Drumknott looked at his master.

Vetinari looked at Drumknott. He felt slightly uneasy.

Drumknott held his gaze and replied in a carefully controlled calm voice. " As flattering as that invitation was My Lord, especially considering I was also your second choice, I have unfortunately got a date for the ball. Now, if you'll excuse me, I really must see to my office documents."

"..." replied Vetinari nonplussed.


	2. Hmmm...

In three days many things can and do happen. Such as, a magic storm inside the Unseen University courtyard lifts thirty houses in the vicinity exactly ten feet in the air causing mild panic buying of ladders and emergency trampolines before the problem is rectified; The blue swans are changed to silver as blue is considered too tacky; Vimes fires and then rehires Nobby for hygiene issues (Vimes was next to use the latrine on a particularly bad day, after Nobby) and then realises he can't shout at another person like he does at this unfortunate soul so keeps him on; The Ephebian ambassadors become more tolerable and decide to inform the palace cooks the correct way to cook all of their dishes, which of coursemakes them as popular downstairs as a rat in a pie; Vetinari has a mild stomach problem caused by a few spicy dishes; Guests are met, issues discussed and paperwork is signed.

On the third day,Vetinari decides he can now broach this subject in a calm and collective manner.

Drumknott is studiously working on several index cards on his desk.  
" So, Drumknott" asked Vetinari in his best nonchalant voice. "You have a ... date for the Sunrise Ball?" He raises his eyebrows for enhanced nonchalance.  
Drumknott looks up to see Vetinari attempting small talk and stares at his expression. Hmmm?  
" Er..yes. Yes my Lord. Yes I do." He quietly says then turns quickly back to his work.  
Vetinari looks at him and frowns.  
" Well, who is it then?" He barks. All nonchalance quickly put aside for frustration and annoyance to bully their way through.  
Drumknott looks up startled.  
" Tony, from the gardens. Um, he's always been nice to me, " blushes Drumknott.

Now it is Vetinari's turn to stare. He didn't like how this news affected him. He felt conflicted. He felt emotions. Powerful contradictory emotions beginning to make their way into his head and other parts of his body like some sort of mad flu. On the one hand he experienced a sense of loss yet on the other, there was a whisper of a chance to change this loss into a gain. A romantic gain. Drumknott liked men. Vetinari had suspected this but hadn't known for sure as Drumknott's lovelife was far too vacant to gather any sort of information on.  
This Rufus Drumknott, this pale, blonde young man and his beautiful eyes, his sharp organised innocent mind. His employee.Oh dear gods, how on earth was this going to be in any way appropriate? He knew he wanted something from this clerk but was it fair to be so selfish?

" Oh yes, I know Tony," replied the Patrician slowly. " I'm glad for you Drumknott, he is nice." His face remained impassive as he lied.  
Drumknott nodded and went back to his work. A look had changed in his masters gaze towards him and he had noticed but it wasn't his place to acknowledge such things. He couldn't help blushing however and cursed himself inwardly.  
They continued working for some time each busy with their own thoughts as well as their tasks in the large quiet office in the palace.

Drumknott sighed and sat back, stretching.  
" I will make some tea my Lord."  
" That would be most appreciated Drumknott," said the Patrician.

Drumknott poured the tea efficiently and in silence. Lord Vetinari pretended to read his papers as he surreptitiously watched Drumknott's hands. Drumknott made the mistake of looking up and catching his lords eye. He held the gaze a little too long before he turned his attention back to preparing the tea.  
Hmmm, thought Vetinari.

He moved his slender arm to grasp a cup and in doing so, brushed his hand deliberately over Drumknott's hand. Drumknott's fingers trembled and he nearly dropped his tea. Vetinari deftly gripped the cup and Drumknott's hand within his own for a moment before releasing him.  
" Careful Drumknott, " whispered Vetinari.  
" I, I'm sorry My Lord, " trembled Drumknott.  
" Drumknott, am I making you nervous?" Queried the Patrician, tenderly in his low deep voice.  
" Oh gosh, yes you are," said Drumknott breathlessly before he could stop himself. He couldn't look at the Patrician directly as he fiddled with the tea cups, close by his masters hands. His cheeks blushing furiously.  
Vetinari watched Drumknott, his eyes never leaving the clerks face. The brilliant man of reason and cold hard intellectualism was rendered a powerless victim to his passionate emotions just as his dear friend Lady Margolotta predicted would happen. Damn that woman! He had supposed to her that he would never experience the sort of passion as he had done so as a youth because he was older and more in control. He also said that as a man he was biologically more capable of controlling his errent passions.  
After smacking him around the head with a semi precious vase, Margollota said she would be proved right in time.  
Possibly I have experienced some sort of brain damage from that woman he thought madly as he watched long dexterous fingers mop up a little spillage of milk on the desk. Oh gods...

Vetinari stood up suddenly. This startled Drumknott.  
" Ah, Rufus...I," started Vetinari, struggling to keep his composure (when all he really wanted to do was take this young clerk roughly over his desk and watch his naked body writhe ...oh gods..).  
" I'm sorry, " the lord started. " I...want you, " Vetinari continued, " To come with me. To the ball. Would you?"  
Vetinari's eyes bore deeply into Drumknott's who could feel himself melting. As soon as Vetinari had called him by his first name, he felt a powerful erotic charge surge throughout his entire body. Not being as in control as Vetinari was or could ever be, the clerk saw his first name mentioned as a sign that he better do something right now in case he awoke and this was all a dream.  
In one swift graceful moment, Drumknott moved in and, holding his masters cheeks in both hands, quickly kissed the surprised patrician of Ankh Morpok tenderly but firmly on the lips.  
He didn't stop until his master moaned.


	3. Chapter 3

Vetinari moaned again. His hands were covering Drumknott's and he was not letting them go until he heard ...  
Drumknott moaned and pressed his body close into the patricians.  
Vetinari gasped and let go, his hands moving to the younger man's shoulders. Drumknott reluctantly dropped his hands away from his lord's face.  
" Well, " said Vetinari. He squeezed his clerk fondly, licked his lips and allowed himself a small smile. His eyes sparkled brightly at the blond man.  
" My.."  
" Please, " whispered Vetinari. " Please call me Havelock."  
" Havelock, " said Drumknott blushing and looked down but catching himself at this passive behaviour and hating himself for it, he stood up straighter and looked more directly into the powerful man's deep blue eyes.

" I would be most pleased to go to the ball with you Havelock but I haven't a thing to wear."  
Was that a mischevious glint in the young clerks eye? Marvelled Vetinari.  
" Maybe I could help you...find...something. In my bedchamber?" His eyes searched Drumknott's face, focusing in his lips.  
Drumknott kissed Vetinari again, both hands firmly on his cheeks. Both men moaned, almost in pain with their urgent need and want. Vetinari's arms gripped Drumknott's back and pressed him close.  
Both men could feel each other, hard against one another. Moaning louder at this contact, Vetinari's arms slid down, his strong hands gripped Drumknott by the buttocks and thrust into him.  
" Oh-Ah, " Drumknott exclaimed and released Vetinari's face. The younger man had a look of blissful panic on his face. " My..Oh, Oh," he gasped on the verge of loosing himself so quickly.

Vetinari let go of Drumknott's buttocks and tried to control himself also. He didn't want this to be over too quickly, he didn't want to scare the man and he needed to regain some control. He breathed heavily.  
" Drumknott, you do not know what you are doing to me." Vetinari cleared his throat. Perhaps we should ah, sleep on this?"  
" My Lord, My, I mean, Havelock. I never realised what you would do to me," gasped Drumknott. " However," he whispered, bold again through passion and desire, " I know that I want more."

The patrician made a decision.  
" My bedchamber, Rufus, now." The Lord grasped the clerks hand and pulled him firmly towards the booby trapped corridor that led to his most secret and protected room.  
Regaining their composure so as to cross the dangerous corridor was a surreally difficult and challenging task. Epecially for Vetinari, as all Drumknott had to do was follow. Both men were not in a position to think or walk, particularly straight, and so the journey was a lot more lengthy and treacherous than it should have been. Vetinari led his new soon-to-be, at-some-point, if-they-ever-get-through-this-corridor-alive, lover, through twists and turns, strange buttons and gadgets halting their progress so as to avoid being killed hopelessly and found embarrasingly dead but aroused by a hapless domestic (what fate would be worse? wondered Havelock madly).

Finally Vetinari showed Drumknott his room.  
Wonderful, thought Drumknott. I like his style. It suits his personality and reveals a little more.  
" So, you think your clothes would fit me?" He questioned, with a slight smirk.  
" I think naked would suit you just fine, " replied Vetinari.  
Drumknott gulped. What had he let himself in for?


	4. Chapter 4

Vetinari rediscovered the pleasure of kissing an attractive man's neck. Another reason why he and Margollota got on so well (shared interests - although hers was more originally in the biting and draining of the blood, but being a black ribboner now, she had abstained from this practice, more or less - he'd seen the bite marks on her secretary).

Vetinari rediscovered the delight in pleasuring another human being. He adored the sounds Drumknott was making. The breathy sighs, gasps and moans as he kissed, licked and sucked on his skin up and down and around his beautiful neck, back to his lips where he devoured them with a powerful kiss, removing the man's jacket as he did so. Drumknotts hands were inside his masters cloak exploring his slim but muscular chest undoing as many buttons as he could in his haste to touch skin.

Drumknott was literally kissed off his feet as Vetinari grunted and picked him up to take him to his bed. The Patrician realised too late that Drumknott was a lot more heavier than he looked as he staggered and half dropped, half placed the clerk onto the russet red blankets of his large bed.

Drumknott rolled over and started removing his clothing at the same time as Vetinari. They got as far as shirts and cloaks off before kissing again. The lord rolled on top of his lover, both moaning at the contact. Drumknott thrust upwards and had the similar panicked but blissful look on his face as before. The lovers both realising they still had far too many clothes on, decided to immediately do something about it: trousers were unzipped, unbuttoned and almost ripped off each other, boots - thrown and kicked along the floor.  
Laughing, out of breath almost, both men resumed their passionate play.

Vetinari kissed Drumknott and he melted. His kisses were tender but his hands were rough as he gripped and grasped Drumknotts buttocks, arms - anywhere he could find to hold on to and hold him tight.  
Drumknott explored - he touched, he felt, he caressed. He also made the most delightful sounds that encouraged Vetinari's more frantic sexual gestures. Drumknott would have bruises in the morning. He felt as if he was being taken body and soul into Vetinari's embrace.

Vetinari kissed Drumknott's chest all the way down...  
" Oh, Oh!" Cried Drumknott as Vetinari's mouth began to pleasure him in an even more delicious fashion.  
Drumknott gripped the covers either side of him. His toes curled and trembled. The young man was in such bliss with arms and legs out-stretched, knees bent and his master's head between his thighs. Drumknott's head sank further into the pillows. He cried out more. His mind was spinning. Drumknott's hips tried to thrust upwards but Vetinari's strong hands preventing them from moving as he continued to give his devoted secretary pleasure.

His master was making the most obscene noises he had ever heard. He also seemed to be enjoying himself very very well, judging by the deep gutteral moans he was expressing and he licked and sucked. Vetinari was good at this. He had been taught some wonderful techniques as an apprentice (the masters gave private tuition to their most promising students), that he was now thrilled to share after such a long time alone.  
Drumknott was extremely appreciative.  
" Oh my Lord, Oh Havelock! Oh Oh Oh!" Cried Drumknott, lost in ecstasy. His body shook as he came, hard, inside his lovers mouth.

The fair, younger man lay still breathing heavily. The darker, older man took a moment to arise again. As he did so, the younger man watched him.

Vetinari had his hand on himself, he was still hard. He placed one hand on Drumknott's chest. Both men were panting heavily. They looked into each others eyes. Vetinari moved his hands quickly on himself and with a loud shout, his face crumpled, his hips thrusting, he came all over Drumknott's chest. His hand gave way and with an "Oof," from both men, Vetinari fell on top of his Rufus.

"Oh, Havelock," the younger man said, sighing happily.  
Exhausted, both men quickly fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At some point I'll write about what happened at the ball...but that will be a separate story.

**Author's Note:**

> All reviews willingly received please :-)


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